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What Kenny Says...by Mike Kalec

Theme Song
"I like Girls with big fat titties, I like girls with big vagina "
The theme was written with the lines in an opposite order, but this is how they were said.

Commercial
Kyle:This program is brought to you by 'Magic, the gathering'
Kenny:'That sounds fucking gay'.
I am 100% sure of this, do not e-mail me about it.

Jay Leno Special
1.After all the kids are astounded by Jay's chin, Kenny says "It looks like it's made of silicon!"

Cartman Gets an Anal Probe
1. After Kyle asks Kenny what a dildo is, Kenny says "It's a little plastic dick that goes in vagina"
2. When the boys are talking about how far Stan can get with Wendy, Kenny says 'Maybe you can touch her pussy"
3. After he get by the Visitors blast and Kyle thinks he's , Kenny gets up and says "No, I, I'm all right. Ahhhh!"
4. After He gets ran over by the cows, he gets back up and says "Nope, I'm fine. Ah!"

Weight Gain 4000
1. When they are talking to Chef about him sleeping with Kathie Lee, Kenny Says "Is your penis big?"
2. When Cartman thinks he is thinning, while he is only fattening, Kenny says "Look at the size of his boobs!"
3. After Kenny gets shot by Mr. Garrison, and is flown up in the air, he says "Oh no"

Volcano
1. After Stan says to cartman "maybe your mom can give me a kiss too" Kenny says, 'Maybe she can suck my dick!"***
2. After Kyle gets the flash light, Kenny says "Hey! What's that?" referring to the volcano.
3. After Jimbo throws the grenade that kills all the fish, Jimbo says it smells, and Kenny says "Kinda like a vagina."
4. After Jimbo makes Kenny his official nephew Kenny says "Cool"
5. After the lava ball lands on Kenny, he says "Nope, I'm okay"
6. After the lava ball rolls over him again Kenny goes "Ahhh"
7. After the volcano incident is over, Kenny comes walking back and he says "Hey guys, what's up?"
8. After getting shot by Ned, Kenny says "oh no!"

Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride
1. While Sparky is butt Raping Sylvester , Kenny sees what they are doing and says "Oh my god I think he's gay!" or "oh my god"
2. After Stan tries saying it's Sylvester who is confused, Kenny says "Your dog's fucking guys"
3. When Stan is talking about gay people, Kenny says "Anyway, they're always fucking in the ass."

An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig
1. When talking about pig and elephants, Kenny says "Hey you guys, I talked to Garrison and he told me they're like the same."
2. When talking about how much of a wuss Stan is for getting his ass kicked by a girl, Kenny say "Or are you gonna feather your hair?"
3. After Kyle says this about what Stan should do about his sister"Stan, you can use family love as a weapon against Shelley. The next time she's gonna kick your ass, just tell her, "Shelley, you're my sister, and I love you."" Kenny says "And I want to take off your bra."
4. When the genetic doctor comes and tells the boys of Stan's clone, Kenny says "A big mutant Stan?!?"
5. When Kenny sees the destruction that Stan's clone is causing, he says "Oh my God! What is he doin'?"

Death
1. After Kenny gets to school from being late due to diarrhea, Kenny raises his hand and say "I have to go poo."
2. After Kenny says number 1, Mr . Garrison says didn't you just go? And Kenny says "No no! I gotta gotta..."
3. After Kenny comes out of the bathroom, he races back in and says "Oh my God!"
4. Kenny runs to the bathroom at Stan's and says "Oh My God"
5. After you hear Kenny make a farting sound, Kenny goes "OW!"
6. When they are discussing what's wrong with their parents, Kenny says "Well what I think, basically, if you let the decision of what you watch to be under the parent's control, television sucks. Television sucks because parents get offended mmmmmmmmmmmm a baby sitter for their kids."(the mmmmmm is because It is unclear what he's saying)

Pinkeye
The only time Kenny says something is when he comes back from his grave, and it's either between him saying something or just laughing. You be the judge. Here's what he says:"Heeeyyy, I'm back, ahh."
When Cartman is Hitler, I will find out what he's saying in German from a German friend of mine.
This is Mr. Baldy. I talked with my mom, who's main language was German, and she said it meant Hail Hitler, or something of the sort.

Mr. Hankey, the Christman Poo
1.After baby Jesus is delivered by Mary, angel Kenny says "It must be a miracle!"
2.After the bird poops in his hood he says "Hey!"
3.When Cartman says Kyle's messed up Kenny says "Kyle's crazy!"
4. When they find the poop in Kyle's box Kenny says "That is the sickest thing I have ever fucking seen!"
5.When Mr. Garrison asks Kenny to remove the star above the shark tank, he says "huh?".
6.After Kenny removes the star successfully, he gives a "whew!"
7.After everyone notices that something's missing (Kenny not being dead that is), the words "The End" pop up and Kenny screams "Woo-hoo-hoo!"

Damien
Due to the fact that Kenny was a duckbilled platypus, he only said one thing. After Stan says to Damien about Kenny talking about his mom being an ugly scank Kenny says "Yeah, she looks like a fucking dog."
Also when Damien calls Satan, Satan is speaking latin. Rectuse, Domenius is "Ass Master" or in real form "Rectum Dominate"

Tom's Rhinoplasty
1.When the boys are amazed that their subsitute is so hot, Kenny says "God, I want to get a piece of her!"
2.When Chef says "You know what they say about women with long arms, Kenny says "Yeah, they can always finger their pussy".
3. When the boys are asking Stan what he did to Ms. Ellen, Kenny says "Well did you stick it in Miss Ellen's loose vagina?" I'm not sure "Loose" is the right word, but I'm damn close.

Mecha Streisand
1.When Kenny shows the carrot and marbles, he says "Yeah and I got these marbles to go with the carrot stick."

Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut
This episode was as hard as Cartman gets an anal probe. Here's my(Mike Kalec) best estimates.
1.When the boys comment on how Cartman can't make it Kenny Says, "He's such a fat kid, he can't make it."
2. After the boys see Cartman having a tea party Kenny Says "What the fuck is he doing with the animals and tea?"***
3.When Kenny is being dragged by the go-cart, Kenny says words like "Ow, fuck ,shit, ect."
4.After Kenny's okay, he says "No guys I'm okay...Now if I can", then he dies.

Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut, Part II
1.After Mephesto is shot, Kenny says "Oh my god, they killed Mephesto"
2.After "Team b" is set up, and the plain is set, Kenny says "huh?"
3.When Kenny comes out of the sewer, he says "This is team b".
4.After "Team a" finds a new path, Kenny says "Are you fucking kidding me? Making me walk though the mother fuckin sewers?"
5.When Kenny looks at the shelter, he says "Yep it's there all right."
6.When Kenny reaches the power box he says "Okay now I'm at the power box."
7.After the doctor asks if Kenny can see the copper nose Kenny says "Roger".
8.When the doctor asks Kenny if he can connect the wires he says "Nah-un".
9.When Kenny says he's going to connect the wires he says "I'll fucking do it".

Ike's Bris
1.When Chef arrives the kids and Kenny say "Hey Chef".
2.When Chef is disapointed in the boys Kenny says "Oh, your penis!"
3.When Kenny pulls his hood cover, he says "Oh shit!"
4.After Kenny falls to his death, he says "Hey guys I fell down...Ah!"

Chickenlover
1.When Kenny sees the book he says "There's a lot of hot vaginas and penises"
2.After a scream is heard, Kenny says "What was that?"
3.Kenny says "Hooray" when Kyle and Stan are cheering too.
4.When the show "Cartman" is rolling, Kenny comes up to the door and says "Hey Cartman".
5.When Mrs. McCormick is kicking her husband's ass, Kenny cheers on with "Yeah yeah yeah!"
6.When Kenny is shot he says "No, it hit my jacket".

Conjointed Fetus Lady
1.When Kyle is telling the other boys about the freak, Kenny says "Ew!" a couple of times.
2.When Kyle's mom shows the boys about "Freaks" Kenny says "Gross!"

The Mexican Staring Frog of Sri Lanka
1.When the boys are done with their paper, the boys and Kenny say "The end".
2.When Mr Mackey is talking over the boys Kenny says "Cause your unlce sucks dick"***
3.When the boys make fun of Jimbo and Ned, Kenny says "Yeah, what a couple of bitchass mother fuckers!"


*** = My best guess






Southpark and all Southpark-based content are copyright Comedy Central. All other original content and pictures belong to me, unless otherwise specified. If something here belongs to you, and it is copyrighted, please tell me. Everything else though, is 1998 by Kornflake